Monday, October 18, 2010

New friends, a cautionary tale...

       Jesus, what the hell did I get myself into?!!?? Little did I know that something so innocent as to making new friends could end up so f'n awkward. The same awkwardness you felt as a middle schooler who had to tell the unfortunate boy that you were just uninterested. Of course you weren't so cold hearted to tell them the truth, that they were boring, unsightly, or just a straight up dork. But you definitely felt all these things, and just wanted them to stay away. Unfortunately, I've become drawn into a similar situation involving a fellow female resident I'll call "Maggie".
   So after my first week of orientation I had made the normal rounds, meeting all my fellow cohorts, exchanging numbers and such. Maggie and I happened to be sitting next to each other in class on friday, and she seemed "normal" enough,  very friendly and enthusiastic about the program. I knew she wasn't a person I normally was attracted to as far as qualities I typically look for in a friend. For example she was super Christian, I mean bible study Christian. Call me prejudice, but honestly I'm ok with this, I'm not a saint, and never would want to be. Judging is a part of life to me, I think people who don't believe they judge are fatty liars.....what I think is sane and what I think is f'n crazy help me decide what and who I want to surround myself by. Just a fact of life.  
     But before I go off on a tangent, lets just say I have an aversion to religious folk. In a nut shell it just weirds me out that large masses of people just blindly follow the gospel of another man, and don't stop to think and consider their own unique experience. It's an easy way out to let someone else do the thinking I imagine. But all in all, yes, being in the predicament I was in, alone and no friends I thought I should try to reach out of my comfort zone a bit. Try to reach out to a Christian. So we chatted and she told me how her husband wouldn't be arriving untill the following week and I told her how I was lonely without my friends and boyfriend. We ended up thinking it would be an awesome idea to go shopping on the weekend......together!!!
     Saturday rolls around and she comes over to my place in the morning, and we set off for the day. We stop and the pet store to look at kitties and puppies, we laugh and coo at the cute animals. A great start to the day. Then we head to the furniture store to look for a bed and dressers for me. She starts pointing out all the most hideous beds and says they are "beautiful"... I mean fugly fugly beds! Like white princess beds with pink granny roses printed all over the head board and truly awful carvings of little cupids with ribbon sashes. I couldn't believe she was serious. I kept thinking it's because she's a hardcore Christian, which I know is an absolutely ridiculous rationale, but I couldn't help but correlate her god awful taste to being a bible thumper.
     But then little things about her character started to reveal themselves, other than her bad taste, more unforgivable qualities such as just being pretty damn nerdy was starting to annoy me. Don't get me wrong, I love nerds, funny, dorky, quirky, sweet nerds, but she fit into a select category of nerd that I can only explain by describing how they would act in certain situations......for example in class, she is the one who always answers you when you ask the instuctor for clarification, and when shes wrong she always says "that's what I meant". She's the one who can never take a joke, and gets completely bent out of shape from the silliest comment. Then she tries to be funny back, by poking fun at you, but she's really doing it out of revenge. Overly sensitive and needy are key characteristics. So by the end of the day, I got the gist of Maggie, and my judgement of her was that this definitely wasn't someone I wanted to hang out with again, and honestly I thought nothing more of it. That is until Monday morning, where I was made painfully aware of my apparent new bff.
      I walk into class and I sit next to another classmate, not even noticing Maggie. Then as I'm unpacking my bag I glance to the left, feeling a penetrating stare to my left temple. I see Maggie motioning that she saved a chair for me next to her. She yells out "got you seat!" I play it off......."ha ha" and I just smile and pretend that she was pretending. I don't look back over, feeling a little weird. Then after class she walks in front of me as I'm talking to another friend, and she says "Oh, I guess you dont want to sit next to me anymore." and she giggles, but it's soooo obvious she's not joking. "I giggle back in nervousness. And and at that point I'm starting to totally think she's a frickin weirdo. What the fuck? Why is she pressuring me? But it gets worse. Through out the next few days I make a conscious effort to sit at the way other side of the class, but I feel her stares. When I happen to glance in her direction, she starts to make a fuckin frowny sad face. Seriously, at this point I'm like this girl is crazy, she thinks I'm the one night stand who just banged her and left her.
    At this point I tell all my other buddies what the hell is going on, because I'm starting to feel really awkward around her and I need their support. But of course they all are pissin their panties (as I would be if I were on the outside), saying "here comes Archer(her last name)" I know it's totally stupid and juvenille, but it her fault damn it. She's made me fell like I've regressed into 8th grade, where I have to avoid her in the halls, and time my bathroom trips around when she goes, it f'n ridiculous.
   A couple of days ago she texted me and asked when we were going to hang out again. I said I think "everyone" is going out for the weekend, and ended it with "alright I'm off to the gym!!!" If she didn't get the "everyone" message I figured my last resort would have to be being blunt with the girl, which I really didn't want to have to do. But believe me, I would have, a cornered leo will show her claws when necessary. But the weekend went well afterall. Friday night a bunch of us went out, Maggie was there. When I caught her eye, her once frowny frumpy face had changed into the classic averting eyes. Nope, I didn't see you. Which is soooo much better :-) Now she is choosing to ignore me!!!! A far better fate than I could have ever wished for. No more pretending to be nice, no more nauseating "hurt" feelings, I think she's finally decided that I'm unworthy of her friendship, which is fuckin awesome. As for me, I've learned an important life lesson, I think that ideology "move out of your comfort zone and reach out to new a different people" was created by Christians. No wonder?..... I think I'd rather stick by my own guns, and keep a weary eye ;-)


  1. Holy shit Safiya! This post made me laugh, feel extremely awkward and ponder social relations and loving thy neighbor. You are so bad ass thats why I love you. xo

  2. Hilarious! I would be weary of Christians too!;-) But you gotta love the Jews!!! :)) -Hannah

  3. lol...I do love my B-Town Jews, they definitely are a different breed :-D!!!!!
    Love you guys!!!!

  4. "I'm unworthy of her friendship, which is fuckin awesome" -love it. Keep it coming.